![]() And I cared about her more than I thought I would. I suppose I had let Ellie in more than I’d intended to. ![]() What about your new flatmate then? Are you allowing yourself to get close to her or him?” She smiled at me, a sad pressing of her lips. “My old roommate, my best friend, Rhian, she moved to London and her and her boyfriend just got engaged. I thought about Ellie and Braden and our coffee morning a week ago. ![]() “Has there been any big changes in your life recently, Joss?” “So this was your first family dinner since losing yours?” “We never really had family dinners in foster care.” I smiled humorlessly. “And the family dinner? Was that the first family dinner you’ve been to since being in foster care?” Next thing I know some guy is helping me off the treadmill.” Anyway, I had a memory – a few actually – of my parents, and their relationship. “What were you thinking about at the gym?” ![]() I let the memories in-took a panic attack at the gym and then at a friend’s family dinner.” “But your panic attacks have started up again?” “I can look at pictures, I can have a thought about them, but I carefully avoid actual memories of us together.” “I got really good at not thinking about them.”ĭr. Memories of them, actual real, solid memories not just vague impressions… the memories trigger the attacks.” “I don’t allow myself to think about them a lot. “Is there a trigger? At least, are you aware of one?” ![]() I told her and she nodded along with them. ![]()
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